So what have you been up to?

For the last six months, I have been working as the Artistic Apprentice at Hartford Stage. It has been full of ridiculous ups and downs but for the most part, it's been an amazing experience.

Recap? I mean... as much as one can recap six months.

There was the new play festival in October that really kicked my ass. When they originally hired me, I was warned that it was going to be the worst thing ever. Yeah, it was pretty close. There are those days where you think that you can't possibly do any more than you're already doing. Well with this new play festival, you have to do more. You always have to do more or find another level. Another gear. I'm still exhausted from this new play festival but I guess I'm proud that I've found that capability within myself to get shit done.

I've line produced two readings for Hartford Stage. One was more about taking the materials down to the City where everything else was already done (with a super heavy box of materials and an impossibly long script), and the other was finding the space, making sure the actors would come, finding a stage manager, getting contracts signed and, again, taking down a heavy (but not as heavy) box of materials. That one was more fun because it was "Hey, here's a budget of ___ dollars... go produce a reading." And it was a lot more money than I am used to working with... though I guess you have to do that when you're actually paying people for their time.

We have just opened a show called Motherhood Outloud. It's the second to last show in our season and I must say... it's very good. A lot better than I expected it to be, to be honest. I thought it was going to be cheesy and sentimental but every aspect of it is gorgeous. Lighting, set, the flow and pacing of the show, the writing (14 different writers, mind you...) and it's just so lovely and touching. Every aspect of motherhood that you could possibly think of is covered in this show: Giving birth, sending kids to school, your daughter's first period, adoption, sending your child to war, graduation, your child giving birth, gay parenting, becoming a parent to your own parent... I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff. The cast is amazing - James Lecesne, Randy Graff, Amy Irving, and April Yvette Thompson. AND... I got to take notes during tech and previews for the incomparable Lisa Peterson. I almost fell over. Lisa is so fierce and so focused on the end product that she seems a little intimidating at first, but she's just the sweetest person. I really wish that I could have worked with her a little more but I really appreciated the time that I got to spend in the room with her.

In a few weeks, I'm heading out to Chicago to interview for an MFA program in Arts Leadership at DePaul. I'm stunned that I've gotten as far in this process as I have. It's a really competitive program and I've never really considered myself to be a stand-out in whatever I'm doing. Perhaps that's why I do what I do... I've always wanted people to notice me for some reason or another. I must admit, though... It's getting very tiresome. I'm so tired of going to work every day. Nine to five (though, it's actually ten to six) is so much harder than I thought it'd be. I always look forward to the weekend and every weekend is just too fast because it's filled with errands and things that I didn't have time to do during the week. I find myself getting bored with my job when in reality I'm one of the luckiest people I know. On paper, my job is amazing! I read new plays by emerging and established playwrights. I help with casting (though very minimally). I'm in on season planning (though don't have any sort of say). I get to hang out with Lisa Peterson while she's in town. All of these things are so cool when I say them and yet I'm so weary of it all.

I worry about my artistic side atrophying because I'm sitting at a desk all the time. When I'm in the rehearsal hall, I can't even focus on what is going on in the room because I keep thinking "I should be at my desk... Is my phone on?...What if they need me.... I should check my email... Does the director have everything he needs?... Do I have time to go to the gym...?" I can't just focus on the work that's being done in the room. When I actually take the time to listen, I think "How did they think of that? My brain doesn't work like that..." But the thing is... it used to. At some point in time, I was even pretty good at it. What if just working AT a theater isn't good enough for me? I need to find a way to be involved creatively and still be able to pay the bills. Isn't that the dream, at least?

Well... it's something to ponder.